Communicating with Sean
November 2005
I wrote this document in November 2005 so that there could be some consistency between the people that were in charge of Sean at any one time.
We noticed the more we were consistent with the rules, the better Sean functioned.
KEEP IT SIMPLE: Remain calm, never raise your voice, look angry etc. Use very little words so you don’t confuse Sean. The less words the better, your behaviour is what will influence Sean. It is very important that you do not reinforce negative behaviour. For Example: If Sean cries because you turn off TV – NEVER turn it back on, if Sean tantrums for something in a shop, NEVER give it to him. If you have made a decision like its time to go – NEVER go back on it. This is Seans autism talking and if you relent you are allowing it to win. It is detrimental to Sean and to our management of his disorder. It is completely different than with a normal child.
If Sean has done something inappropriate that would make you angry in normal circumstances, you immediately pick him up and put him outside the door. HITTING MUST ALWAYS RESULT IN THIS – even if it is only a tap. Hold the door closed and after 10 secounds open the door and say “Hitting me is very naughty. When you are ready to say sorry you may come back into the room”. Removing him from the room means you always stay in control in your dealings with him and never lose your temper. This is very good for Sean, he is never frightened and always understands what is going on.
When Sean is having a tantrum because he is not getting his way, the rule is, if you feel your temperature rising and you are not sure what to do – IGNORE THE BEHAVIOUR. This gives you time to figure out what to say/do. Pretend to be engrossed in cooking/ having a conversation with someone else and every now and then give him the opportunity to stop by saying “Daddy will talk to you when you speak in your nice voice.”
If Sean changes his voice or screams, pretend you can’t understand him and say “ Use your nice quiet voice” Ignore him completely until he starts using his normal voice.
BE POSITIVE: Don’t tell him what he should not be doing – tell him what he should be doing. Eg. If he is throwing something on floor, tell him to pick them up and put them on table ( give him a solution to stop the behaviour) instead of saying “Don’t throw them on the floor” – No solution for Sean and actually a reinforcement of his behaviour as Sean like negative attention as much as he likes positive attention.
Don’t say “ We’ll do that later” Speak in concrete terms. “Sean I know you want to go to the beach. We will go at 5 o’clock.”
Focus on behaviour – not on Sean. Don’t say ”You are such a good boy” or “That is bold”. It is the behaviour that you are commenting on/ you are unhappy with, not Sean as a person. So instead say “ Sean putting the cup in the bin was a very good idea”, “ you tidied your room – that is brilliant” or “ Hitting is very naugty”
Reinforce good behaviour. Be clear and consistent.
I wrote this document in November 2005 so that there could be some consistency between the people that were in charge of Sean at any one time. We noticed the more we were consistent with the rules, the better Sean functioned. Read more
